The Unsuckled Teat

Snow days. It’s fine when your kids are old enough to look after themselves, but what happens when they are too young to be alone and there isn’t anyone to stay with them? What if you can’t take the day off work?

Confirmation/bar or bat mitzvah. Yes, I know it isn’t required or anything, but there is no way I’m going to want to deal with some churchy/synagoguey ceremony. I barely made it through my nephew’s baptism. Church weddings kill me. I’m pretty much the opposite of religious.

Colic.

Back in late August of last year, my coworker brought the list of school supplies her children were required to have. In my day, one was lucky to have a Transformers Trapper-Keeper. If that wasn’t bad enough, at the bottom of the page was a line stating that extra supplies were to be purchased for other students. I’m not against helping those with less, however my coworker informed me that these “needy” students had parents who drove expensive cars, had large homes, and spent money freely other places. Isn’t your kid supposed to be your greatest treasure? Aren’t you supposed to want to give them the best you can?

I have milk issues. I’ve been known to gag rather violently when cleaning up a milk spill. I drink it happily, but something happens to me when the milk touches the floor. Doesn’t bother me so much on a countertop.